Church, I’ll go first.
When I was in the hospital this year, I knew the TCD community was there for me. I knew it. And I walled myself off in depression anyway and didn’t make myself available for the conversations that could have helped.
So when we asked you, in the Fall Town Hall survey, “Who do you talk to when digital ministry is discouraging?”, I wasn’t surprised by the answer that hurt the most.
31% said nobody.
Here’s everything you told us. 51 of you answered this one, and you could pick more than one:
- A peer: 43%
- Nobody: 31%
- A spouse: 29%
- The TCD community: 16%
- A mentor: 14%
That last group is the one I keep looking at. Fewer than one in five of you falls back on this community when it gets hard. That’s on us, not you.
One more thing surprised me. When we split the answers by region, “nobody” was much more common in North America, more than a third, than everywhere else. Outside North America, half of you lean on a spouse, and one in four has a mentor.
Why digital missionaries are more alone
A church staff member has coworkers down the hall. A hybrid staffer has a team on Sunday. Many of you have neither. Half of the people who took this survey called themselves digital missionaries, and a digital missionary often has no co-working community at all, nobody to turn to at the end of a hard night.
And the work has its own rhythm. I call it the entrepreneurial sine wave. I love this work; I hate this work. I’m king of the world; I’m not worth the dirt on my shoe. If you don’t ride that wave, God bless you, and please come teach me how. Most of us do.
The good news in the numbers
Read it again: 43% have a peer. Almost a third have a spouse they can talk to. That’s not nothing. The answer isn’t to build something new for everyone. It’s to make sure the 31% aren’t left out.
With digital, you have to be intentional. Community won’t come and find you. You have to go after it.
What we’re doing about it
- One-to-One conversations. Book a real conversation with someone from our team, about whatever is heavy right now (conversations are recorded): https://listen.thechurch.digital/
- Scattered. A daily devotional through 1 Peter that starts October 19, read by the whole digital church at your own pace. Peter wrote to people who were spread out and alone, and called them one people: https://thechurch.digital/scattered/signup/
- The Fam on Discord. Peers who get it, every day: https://thechurch.digital/fam/
And one thing only you can do: name one person this week. A peer, a spouse, a mentor, anyone. Tell them how it’s really going. If you can’t think of anyone, that’s exactly what the One-to-One is for.
This is what discipleship on the digital edge looks like when it is honest about the hard parts.
What good support looks like
Not every relationship has to carry everything. In the survey, people leaned on different people for different things, and that’s healthy:
- A peer gets the work. They know what a dead chat on a Sunday feels like, or a troll who won’t stop.
- A spouse or close friend knows you, and sees what the ministry is costing you before you do.
- A mentor has been further down the road. Only 14% of you have one, and mentoring came up when we asked what you wish theChurch.digital would do.
If you have one of those, you’re ahead of a lot of people. If you have none, start with one. You don’t need a perfect support system. You need one honest conversation.
Signs it’s time to reach out
- You dread opening the apps you used to love.
- You’re answering everyone else’s messages and ignoring your own.
- You can’t remember the last time someone asked how you are doing.
If any of that sounds familiar, that’s not weakness. It’s information. Act on it.
If you’re in a dark place
Four percent of you said the last three months have been very hard, a dark place. I’ve been there this year. If that’s you, please don’t wait for a better time to tell someone. If you’re in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact your local emergency services now; in the US you can call or text 988; anywhere else, https://findahelpline.com.
All the results are here: https://thechurch.digital/townhall/results/
